Full Burn
by XX-Samantha-XX
Summary: AU.One-Shot. A light can be bright; can be shining like a star.Can shine so brightly that you can blind everyone to anything new, anything different. Set early season four another one of my what could have happened ones.


_Kind of runs along with 'reaching capacity' and 'doing nothing and letting go' but this time it's Gibbs' turn to realise what they hadn't done when he'd left and subsequently returned. It may make no sense but please enjoy. Set when Gibbs gets back obviously. Only a one shot. As usual I own none of these characters…enjoy! Rated T for a few bad words though not anything that wouldn't be heard in the show. _

**Full Burn**

Bright

A light can be bright; can be shining like a star.

Can shine so brightly that you can blind everyone to anything new, anything different.

But, the star can flutter, flicker, and then fail.

It's always strong; stronger than the dark, can lead you to safety.

But complete safety is hard to come by, he knows that.

Can out shine the darkness, or, scare away the demons that like to lurk in all those fairy tales and stories you hear as a child.

But what if he wasn't told them as a child and had to fight his own way, becoming his own light in his world of darkness.

It can signify peace, if you want it to of course.

Can mean anything to anyone.

Or, the end, most people seem to say you see a bright light just before you reach the final stage of life's journey.

But, what if it was meant as a description of a person or a personality?

What if it holds a darkness that is hidden by an overly bright disposition?

Strong, shining, smiling, and bright. Who's only ever aim was to save them all from the dark and keep them safe.

What if the thin filament starts to burn from the inside out?

It'll inevitably go out.

Cease to be bright, cease to shine anymore.

But before it's time?

All it takes is an over use, or an over powering source to start the full burn.

And it never really is the same again.

What once shone will be dull.

What was once sharp will become blunt.

But the worst is that they could have stopped it.

If only they had taken the chance to notice that their light in a dark world, was shining far too brightly than its capacity to replenish its own stores of energy.

It's always brightest before the dark.

They had all said their part, doing their duty as a colleague.

Nothing more.

Abby had cried, but if he was brutally honest, he thought that was just to get her own way as usual. It would usually work by making him feel bad by hurting her but now…

…well she had been the one telling him that she wanted someone else, not him. He wasn't enough.

Never had been really.

Not that he was surprised.

The only thing he was surprised about what how much it hurt to have something as close to a family as he ever thought possible then watch get torn apart but then mend its self without him in it, as if he'd been forgotten and left in the wreckage of what it had been.

But then he could argue that it hurt more seeing them pretend to care now he was going.

McGee had smiled that oh so smug smile he used to get when he knew he was right, that Tony shouldn't be a part of the team, never mind a leader of his own.

Ziva, she had a look as if to say they would be better off without him.

_Maybe they would. _

Ducky was away so he couldn't tell Tony not to go.

Palmer had supported his decision and even helped him find a new place to live in a different state for when he started his new job.

Gibbs. Well, Gibbs he hadn't spoken to and didn't plan on doing, everything had been explained in the letter of resignation.

At least he had the courtesy to leave them something though and speak to most of them.

Lost in his thoughts he wasn't expecting the knock to his front door.

Nor was he expecting the anger that steamed out of his former boss.

"So, you think you can just leave my team when you don't _like_ something?"

Steel blue met empty green for a moment and Tony's own anger that he thought he might have felt didn't even so much as rise.

"I guess, from what you've just said you haven't even read the letter?" his tone as impassive as the look on his tired face.

_Why not answer back,_ Tony thought childishly. If Gibbs could get angry all the time and shout and stomp all the time and at them all for not doing enough work. It can work both ways.

"I don't need to, not to know what it says." Gibbs held his head high.

And Tony laughed. The first sign of emotion that day.

Tony could see that Gibbs was seething; red was creeping its way up his face, anger evident.

Yet Tony continued, and then the laughter turned quietly to a few silent tears that were gone before Gibbs could question their existence.

Gibbs wondered what had reduced his supposed best Agent to this; he usually knew when something was wrong with his people.

"What the hell is wrong with you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs questioned him angrily, not completely sure that he should be the one angry. His mind was still a mess of memories trying to surface.

"Me," Tony begun exasperated, "nothing, I've been trying to work, trying to show that I'm worthy of the position that you gave me. Even when you weren't here I tried because it was something you'd taught me, to continue even when everything goes to hell. _Semper Fi_."

Tony paused, trying to gage Gibbs' reaction, Gibbs' eyes held something that he couldn't pinpoint so he continued.

"You, however, you decide to quit when something happens that you don't _like_. We could have helped you through it if you'd let us." The emphasis on some of the words, trying to driving it home to Gibbs that he was the one in the wrong this time.

What flicker of emotion had started, vanished at the memory that dew up and anger festered in Gibbs again.

"What exactly could you have done, you've never taken anything seriously in your life. I lost my family while you still have yours. What could you have said that was anything close to understanding what it felt like?"

Tony's immediate reaction would have been to shout that they were his family and that Gibbs had ruined it, but he just couldn't find the words to remind Gibbs of how it had been, and how Gibbs had saved some part of him.

Even as Gibbs spoke the angry words he knew that he was missing a vital piece of information about the man in front of him, that something was screaming at him now saying he'd just said the worst thing possible to the younger man.

Silence grew between the two men. A look of intense agony in Tony's eyes forced Gibbs to look at anything but those green orbs.

Trying to school his features, Tony wanted to say that it was purely down to Gibbs' memory, but Gibbs had sounded like he meant every word. Tony could forgive him for the family comment, right? I mean the man had lost his memory.

Yes, fine, he didn't take some things seriously. But others, others that meant something, things that could make or break a person. He wasn't necessarily good at the communicating what he meant but would always listen.

The silence grew infinitely longer, both men trying to read each others expression.

Gibbs realised that the look on Tony's face was as if Tony's family had just been ripped away from him and hated the bastard in him for saying what he had without thinking.

Tony blinked, trying to sweep away the look he knew he was projecting. He wasn't looking for anything from Gibbs now, that time was long gone but it didn't make the words easier to hear or his actions, any easier to do.

The remnants of his heart and soul were fighting the decision, telling him that because Gibbs was there, at his apartment, looking like he cared, that he could take a chance and risk it again. His brain was telling him to get out while he still had his sanity, telling him that what he was doing was the safer option.

"Tony, I'm…" The apologetic tone to the voice drew Tony out of his thoughts and cut Gibbs off before he could finish.

"You don't have to say it, its okay." Tony was tired of fighting and could tell that Gibbs was weary but that didn't mean that Gibbs hadn't been right on some accounts. The _'I forgive you, but I still have to do this and you know It.'_ was implied.

The two men shared another look and an apology was shared, it was as simple as that. Gibbs knew that he'd been the one to push the younger man away and that he no longer held the right to order him back. Tony knew that Gibbs was sorry about everything that had transpired, the fact that Gibbs had even tried to say the words meant more to him than hearing them.

The handshake that came after was one of luck and of a friendship that could be rebuilt given the chance.

Nothing more needed saying so they parted ways.

**End**

_Hope you all liked it and please review. _


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